16 ways to ensure your web developer stops returning your phone calls

RyanFor Business Owners, For DevelopersLeave a Comment

Business owners: I have put together a comprehensive guide of the 16 best ways to ensure your web guy never returns your calls again!

See below and act accordingly:

  1. website-equityStart a sentence like this: “I have a really good idea but don’t have any money.” Proceed to offer a handsome “equity stake” in exchange for web work.
  2. Design your own version of the web∂site in Powerpoint and show your web guy how it should look.
  3. Say things like “above the fold” and “SEO oriented” even though you have no idea what they actually mean.
  4. Be super persistent when you’re requesting changes, and then become strangely difficult to get a hold of when it’s time to settle up on payment.
  5. Say things like “it’s super easy” when you’re requesting a major structural overhaul. Note, this one required me to write an entire topic on it.
  6. Spend four months “getting content together” for your website, and then send a Microsoft Word document which contains approximately 4 sentences.
  7. excessive-website-changesStart a sentence with “when I built our old website using Wix…”
  8. Say “I have GoDaddy web hosting.”
  9. Say “Can’t we just copy and paste the information from other people’s websites?”
  10. Say that you have “one more change” in eleven consecutive emails.
  11. Have a small army individually sending revision requests. Bonus points if you loop in people who have nothing to do with your organization.
  12. Never agree on any SEO or marketing work, and then bitch about why your website is not #1 in Google.
  13. Call, email, and text message your web guy at all hours, especially for things that are computer-related but not in anyway website-related. For example, when you get locked out of your AOL mail. Also meets criteria: when your computer has a virus.
  14. Ask why the website is slow while you have 26 applications open.
  15. Ask why the site looks like crap in Internet Explorer version 3.
  16. Expect free updates… forever.

In all seriousness, even though every single one of these things has happened to me in the past, much of it can become a moot point when you have a detailed contract or at the very least, lay it all out in an email – exactly what the expectations are, and even a quick blurb about what you’re not expected to do.

Now excuse me while this jaded web guy goes to slam his head into his desk.

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